"When I was in high school I was more than an outcast, I was an untouchable. I was never good enough for anyone. Those closest to me flip flopped between my being too fat, too thin, always worried about what I looked like, worried why I didn’t look like the other girls…. From what I could tell, sex made you popular. It seemed that being accepted was more important than anything else. I sought out sex and found it in all of the wrong places. I was taken advantage of by older men and was used by the boys in school, it was horrible. In keeping the company I did, I found myself in abusive relationships and humiliating, dehumanizing sexual encounters. I went to a Catholic school where we were taught abstinence only sex ed, so I had no idea how truly easy it was to get STD’s, to become pregnant, and all of the other extra’s that go along with irresponsible sex. All of it hurt and many of the scars from those consequences will follow me for the rest of my life. All of that and in the end it didn’t matter. I was still an outcast.
For a long time I didn't think about my Vagina, to avoid feeling all of the things that you feel after all of that. Whenever I thought of my Vagina in any context, I got this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I felt dirty, I felt useless, I felt ashamed and I felt used, thrown away, I felt like a piece of garbage. Death, sadness and humiliation all lingered there.
Last year a friend of mine asked me to see the Vagina Monologues. I thought it was going to be funny, like a big Vagina joke, so I agreed. Then I saw all of these women who were proud enough of their Vaginas to get up in front of a room of people and say it. I was horribly jealous. I wanted what they had. Soon, I realized what they had was a Vagina. I have one of those too. There was nothing wrong with my Vagina and it didn’t need anyone's approval! I started making these things to help get out my frustration, then to celebrate my Vagina, now to take it back. Its mine now.
I hope that my work will inspire all of you to look at women differently, and to heal your own soul, because I know that we are all wounded in one way or another."
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